Never!
Never?
Never Say Never Again is more than just a James Bond film. There is a reason for the phrase “never say never”.
I wrote this a couple years ago soon after discovering the kink community:
The word “never” is a seed.
Just uttering or thinking the word starts you down a slippery slope.
“Oh, NO! That is NOT my thing! I will NEVER do that!!”
“Hhhmmm….why do other people do that? They seem to like it.”
“There are WHOLE groups dedicated to that. Apparently a LOT of people actually like to do that.”
“It doesn’t seem like it would be enjoyable at all. I WONDER what they like about it.”
“I should probably try that…just once–you know, just to see what it’s like and why they enjoy it.”
God dammit. I hate you “never”.
I am sure that’s sort of how Sean Connery felt when he agreed to make Never Say Never Again. The title was essentially a twisting of the proverbial knife after Connery had vowed to never play James Bond again. The movie itself was basically a remake of an earlier Bond film, Thunderball, and the only reason for that title was to rub Connery’s face in the dirt.
As I ventured into the BDSM lifestyle and kink community, I had started to explore the Fetlife.com website and build out my profile. The list of fetishes on Fetlife is extensive–to put it mildly. There are a variety of “run-of-the-mill” fetishes–anal sex, blindfolds, handcuffs–but it ramps up dramatically from there.
When you just view the list alphabetically you quickly come across things like artistic cutting, auralism, ball stretching, bastinado, cell popping, etc. Many terms sparked a “WTF is that?!?” and forced me to look it up on Google to even figure out if it is something I might be into. Many of the fetishes, though, seem too extreme. They cross a line and result in an immediate response of “Oh, hell no!”
Funny thing about that, though. “Oh, hell no!” can eventually become “Well, maybe.”
It reminds me a little of when I was a teenager working at a pizzeria. I was very adamant and self-righteous about avoiding any and all drugs. Never. That was my mentality. I would NEVER do drugs.
My co-workers smoked weed regularly, though. Nightly. These were my friends. These were people I liked and trusted. Day in and day out they got high. Not only did they live to tell about it and not seem to have any adverse consequences–but they seemed to really enjoy it and have fun. My “never” became “why not?”
That is how a lot of BDSM and kink fetishes go as well. There are obviously some fetishes that are just inherent and come naturally. You don’t have to think about it–it’s just something that appeals to you. But many of these other fetishes–the ones that seem too taboo at first glance–start to seem more reasonable as you find people who are into that or do those things. Who not only live to tell about it and not seem to have any adverse consequences–but seem to really enjoy it and have fun.
So, never say never. Saying “never” is just a challenge to the universe. “Oh, hell no!” becomes “Maybe”, and “Never!” becomes “Why not?”
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