What makes you kinky? Were you born with an inherent desire to be dominated, or to derive pleasure from tying someone up? The range and diversity of kinks and fetishes is seemingly endless, but we don’t truly know whether our kinks and fetishes are part of our genetic makeup, or something we learn as we go.
There is an option 3, of course–a little of both.
A recent Alter.net article points out, “In the past, professionals have been quick to pathologize BDSM behaviors, tagging practitioners as perverted, traumatized and impaired. A 2008 study, however, found that those engaged in BDSM were no more damaged than their vanilla counterparts.”
Society accepts–more or less–that homosexuality and gender identity are nature rather than nurture. It is a thing that you are born with, and not something that is taught or influenced by environment. So, why not kinks and fetishes like choking, hot wax, pony play, gangbangs, or verbal humiliation?
Personally, I think there is an element of both. I do believe there are some foundational desires or interests that are simply innate. You don’t know why–it just turns you on. Since embracing the BDSM lifestyle myself, though, I have found a number of new interests that I’m not sure I would have ever thought of or considered. I definitely consider those to be “learned” or a function of being part of an open-minded BDSM lifestyle community.
As I explained in a previous article, “That is how a lot of BDSM and kink fetishes go as well. There are obviously some fetishes that are just inherent and come naturally. You don’t have to think about it–it’s just something that appeals to you. But many of these other fetishes–the ones that seem too taboo at first glance–start to seem more reasonable as you find people who are into that or do those things. Who not only live to tell about it and not seem to have any adverse consequences–but seem to really enjoy it and have fun.”
What do you think? Are your kinks and fetishes just how you were born, were they an “acquired taste”, or a little of both?
I think a little of both, leaning on the nature side more so.. I think if it something you desire, it has always been there.. The nurturing comes from being with the right partner who can help nurture what you already desire and push those limits to take you to higher heights. Although sometimes it does take nurturing to bring to light what has always been there. Sometimes hard to find that perfect partner though. Lol.. I remember from my first experiences, I was wanting to try “out of the normal” things. And wanting more different things after that.
I had a girl who was older than me tell me: It’s only Kinky
the first time.lol.