We love our kids and we enjoy our time as a family. I would never want to give those things up. That doesn’t, however, mean that I am not occasionally envious of friends in the D/s lifestyle who either don’t have kids, or have kids that they share custody of–which provides ample opportunity for time without the kids around. I also know some D/s parents who have more freedom either because there are grandparents or other relatives nearby to babysit while the parents go play, or because the kids are older and can be left alone for some period of time.
Each D/s and family dynamic is unique in some way, so what works for one couple might not work another. Here are some tips I’ve picked up, though, that you might find helpful:
- Choose the Right Furniture. While we have plenty of toys–paddles, floggers, riding crops, rope, handcuffs, etc., some of the things that make play more fun are rather large. No. I’m not talking about penis size–although that may make play more fun as well. I’m talking about large, furniture-like toys. I haven’t yet figured out how to surreptitiously keep or store a St. Andrews cross in our bedroom. Thankfully, though, we have a four-post bed with wooden crossbeams at the head and foot so there are plenty of ways to “secure” my sub for playtime.
- Late Nights. Paddling, and flogging, and spanking all make noise. Some of that noise can be covered with loud TV, but generally it’s better to wait until the kids are asleep. Our kids are up pretty late even after they’re technically in bed–just reading or whatever–so that can make for some late nights. I don’t generally go check to make sure they’re asleep. We do wait an hour or two to be safe, and lock the door. Even at 3am you just never know when a kid might wake up scared or sick. Better to lock the door than to try and explain why Mommy is handcuffed to the bed and Daddy is spanking her with a leather paddle.
- Get Out. Get out and play somewhere else. Find a friend or relative to watch the kids and have a date night. If you can swing it, stay in a hotel overnight or go away for the weekend. If you poke around on Fetlife you will find tons of local groups you can join and events you can attend. There are plenty of parties and events going on where the St. Andrews crosses are supplied for you, and nobody cares how loud you are.
were not heavily into anything really kinky, light bondage, oral, anal, role play makes up our sex life. we were pretty “care free” when the kids werent around, we had sex whenever and wherever we felt the urge. when the kids were with us, especially when they were younger, it was a challenge at times to get it on…
we have a “tradition”, that started on our 1st xmas eve together, i wear a dress or blouse/skirt with heels, and we have sex on the floor under the tree! we’ve manage to keep up the tradition for almost 20 years now, other times, (mostly quickies) the kids may have been playing outside or downstairs, ive been taken “advantage” of laying on my belly on the floor, or a couple times on thanksgiving day he’s managed to get me (more or less) alone, lifted my skirt, fingered me to a silent orgasm while bent over the dining room table, one year i wore nothing but a long sweater and heeled boots while he fingered, then fucked me in the dining room, with all our guests 15 feet away in the living room!!
my oldest daughter (she’s 26) now lives with us full time, weve had sex in the garage, and downstairs in the workshop, and at his computer desk.
he “plans” most of our encounters, he may send a suggestive email or text during the day, or sometimes when i get up afer he leaves for work, i find some of my clothes laid out, sometimes with a note to “be ready” at a certain time…
it’s tough sometimes to ensure my daughter doesnt hear us, sex “on the road” & semi public sex is part of our normal life